I am SO jealous you trained in Vaganova. One of my teachers that I take from trained there too, and has so many wonderful stories I wish I could be there. How did you like it being a male? Especially if you're en pointe. o,0 Sorry if this is a lot of questions /:
Well I wouldn’t say that I have trained in Vaganova as such, however I have trained for 15 years in the Vaganova style. I did a short course in the Vaganova academy for 1 year when I was 12-13 (started pointe when I was 11) and danced there for about 9 months. At my age, it was difficult, but I enjoyed how it challenged me. I had to move from there for personal reasons and attended an academy part-time in Sydney.
It is a wonderful place though. :) I would say it was easier for me since I am ethnically Russian and lessons were taught to me in Russian. I would imagine it to be hard for an English-speaking person since the teacher’s English abilities are sometimes rather poor. :P But you make great friends that last for years. And the teachers are brilliant. I’m really not too sure what to say aside from that it was great. :D
Being male…well it was a very open environment. Open in a closed sort of way. Your dancing is critiqued and everyone is so focused on their dancing that the whole gender/sex thing no longer mattered. Everyone is just seen as a dancer - just the way dance should be.
I was introduced to pointe before I went back to Russia for Vaganova (my family migrated to Australia). I had a Russian teacher for ballet and she made a comment on my movements being better suited for girl so I became her little experiment and she put pointe shoes on me and…it changed my life and my outlook on a lot of things.
At Vaganova I still danced en pointe. It’s encouraged that boys incorporate pointe work into their training so it wasn’t all that unusual. It was only after a pas de deux that they put me with the girls…I have naturally weak wrists so…I dropped a lot of them. :P
But like I said. It’s a very open environment. They treated me not like I was a male and gave me male roles. They saw me, and everyone else, as a dancer and gave them roles which suited them.
There, I’ve said it. I like penis, dicks, cock - whatever you want to call it. Well actually, I LOVE penis.
In my life I always knew that I was gay. Even when I was 5 I had those kiddy crushes on boys and got jealous of the girls because they got to hold boys’ hands. My parents were accepting of it and I’m glad for that. However, tough experiences in my life led me to dislike the fact that I am gay.
I began to blame my natural attractiveness and sexuality for a lot of things and really, it was stupid.
I lost my virginity at 14 to a guy I barely knew because I drilled into my naive brain that I was worthless and a slut. It was a bad experience. He was 22. And from there on I spiraled into a sexual hell hole where I saw myself as being the go-to boy for sexual gratification.
That continued for about a year, however, I wasn’t having intercourse as such, but other means. I then had my first somewhat decent boyfriend at 15 (let’s call him Anthony). He was 18. I say it was somewhat decent since he treated me with respect, he bought me gifts, he saw me as his boyfriend, however, sexual activity was common. While he did care for me and he was a wonderful person, the love was not true. I mean it was, we did love and care for each other and what we had was a very sweet romance full of sighs and rainbows and hearts and unicorns and chocolates and flowers…
But about 5 months into that relationship I met the man who would change everything. While Anthony made me feel what it was like to be in love and to be committed, this new guy (we’ll call him Dave) taught me that I was a special individual.
I admit…I had an affair between the two. I broke up with Anthony shortly after and stuck with Dave for another 3 years (and still going strong). He put up with my crazy, my depression, my battle with anorexia and my battle with self-loathing. In a weird sort of way, through loving him, he helped me to love myself.
I’m no longer having this desire to sexually please other men because I believe I’m ‘doomed’ or messed up. Don’t get me wrong, I never saw my homosexuality as being wrong. I saw myself as an overly promiscuous person and I hated my sexuality so I exploited it because I thought ‘well if that’s who I am, I may as well do it’.
So really, there should be no shame in hating yourself over being gay or loving penis. It’s silly. You’re doing more harm than good. I think everyone should embrace their sexuality and not see themselves as living only for a sexual purpose (like I did). I was lucky to stumble upon a guy who was determined to show me I had worth outside the bedroom.
And trust me. Penis is a beautiful thing.
I’m telling you…those straight women and other gay men are onto something. ;)
So I feel no shame when I say that I love penis. All penises of all shapes and sizes are all wonderful and beautiful. You could even say that I am a penis connoisseur. Had a taste of everything so I know it really well. But the man attached to the penis is a lot more important and the intimate act of sex should only be done to reflect the intimacy of your relationship.